11-07-07 #Disciple Bible Study Titled: ‘How To Love Someone You Can’t Stand’

[Disciple]

‘How To Love Someone You Can’t Stand’
‘Talk Isn’t Cheap’
Romans 12:14
Intro
The Word ‘persecute’ as used in verse 14 is an interesting word. It is the same word that is used in verse 13 and is translated there as ‘practice.’ Literally the word means ‘to run after, to chase.’ Certainly at times we can feel that our enemies are literally running after us.
In fact I would tell you that persecution, mistreatment, and hurt are unavoidable experiences for us in this life. In fact, the Scriptures clearly teach us that this is the case and that we as Christians should expect this kind of treatment in this world.
John 15:20
2 Timothy 3:12
If we are going to learn to love someone we can’t stand, we are going to have to unlearn something we have been taught and has been ingrained into our minds. We have been taught to strike back and get even when we have been hurt. That is a practice we have to unlearn. Revenge is not as sweet as you may think it is.
How do you treat someone you can’t stand? Do you ignore them, avoid them as much as possible? Do you talk about them in a bad way when they aren’t around? This is the issue that Paul addresses as we consider the first of the seven steps in learning how to love someone you can’t stand.
You don’t let evil overcome you, you overcome evil by doing good. So how do we do that?
I. Manage Your Mouth
We often use a popular catch phrase to describe what it means to follow Jesus. We say, ‘It’s not enough to talk the talk, you have to walk the walk.’ But now consider a thought about those two ideas. You can’t walk right if you can’t talk right.
Being a follower of Jesus and doing what Jesus would have us do involves walking in his steps. Paul gives us his instruction for fixing bad relationships. Note that it begins with learning to control your mouth.
Romans 12:14
Why would Paul give this kind of instruction for us to follow when we have been hurt. ‘Bless those who persecute you.’ The point of this instruction to help you identify what is the proper response when someone hurts or wrongs you.
I asked you earlier, How do you respond when you get hurt? Probably most of us would consider ourselves to have a lot of spiritual maturity. We have learned to control our outward actions. When we’ve been hurt we most generally do not go out and take immediate action to get even.
We don’t get into a physical fight. If someone gossips about us we don’t punch them out. We are far too mature to behave like that. The question is ‘what do you say when something like that happens?’ Evil can be expressed verbally.
Just because you don’t strike back in a physical way doesn’t mean you’re handling it right. Note that Paul does not say, ‘if you are persecuted.’ His language describes that which is happening, he speaks as if his readers are being persecuted. What do you see when you think of persecution?
Do you know where you are hurt or wronged most frequently? Most of the time it happens in the family, Followed by work, then with friends. It happens even in the church. When it happens I can promise you that your first inclination is to use your mouth to say something bad about the person you hurt you.
If you get into an argument you want to win. Here’s something for you to think about seriously. ‘You might win the argument but lose the relationship. Remember, Paul tells us that we overcome, we win by doing good, not evil.
So if you want to love someone you can’t stand, the starting place is to control your mouth. If we don’t watch this step, we will never progress to the next. Most people lose the battle right here because they don’t manage their mouth.
II. What Is Cursing?
We want to look closely at Verse 14 and determine exactly what it is that is being required of us when Paul says ‘bless those who persecute you.’ It isn’t enough for us just to endure the persecution. It isn’t enough for us to refrain from striking back. It isn’t enough for us to refrain from wishing something bad would happen to the one who hurt us.
Do you see that God is requiring that you pray a prayer of blessing for your persecutors. After he tells us to ‘bless our persecutors,’ note that he affirms this in two further actions, one positive, one negative. Let’s look at the negative one first. Do not curse.
Let’s define what it means to ‘curse.’ To curse would be the opposite of bless. To curse, ‘to call on God to bring harm to someone.’ How would you go about cursing someone? You curse when you say bad things to God about someone. Maybe you would ask God to condemn someone to hell.
You curse when you say bad things about someone to other people. When you’re with certain people do you talk mean about or in negative way about someone else? Because you have a negative view of someone do you say disparaging things about them to get other people to think the same way you do? That is evil too. Just in case you didn’t know it.
Many times, far too many times, when we have been hurt, we gossip and talk about the one who hurt us. You curse when you say bad, hurtful things to the person who hurt you. In your moment of hurt and anger did you ever call someone, ‘you stupid idiot?’
You make sure that you verbally put that person in their place. Now how can we possibly ‘not curse’ someone who has hurt us? It almost seems like the natural thing to do, doesn’t it? It seems that we have the right to strike back and I suppose in a sense we do have that right.
But doesn’t Jesus talk about giving up our rights and ‘turning the other cheek?’ God requires that we do not curse and he gives us the power to overcome the tendency to curse. This is where the renewing of your mind comes into play.
You have been born again. Your thinking has been changed. Your actions have been changed because you are in Christ.
Luke 6:28
1 Peter 2:23
III. What Is Blessing?
To bless is to ask God’s favor on someone. Paul is telling us here that when we have been hurt we need to ask God to bless the person who has wronged us and hurt us. How often have you done that? Maybe the reason Paul is telling us to pray for that person and ask God to bless them is because it is extremely difficult to have a bad attitude and bad feelings about someone you are sincerely praying for.
Jesus prayed for those who had him crucified. Father, forgive them… Did you ever consider that the 3,000 that were baptized on the day of Pentecost were the very ones for whom Jesus prayed from the cross? Stephen prayed a similar prayer when they were stoning him.
Acts 7:60
Did you ever wonder if Paul would have been converted if Stephen had not prayed this prayer? Another way we can bless our enemy is to say good things about them to other people. Don’t tear down people who have hurt you, instead build them up when you’re talking to others.
Is this your practice? Has it been your practice in the past? Am I to believe that you have always said good things about our leaders even when you disagree with them, or has it been your practice only to tear them down?
A third way we bless others is to say something good to the person who hurt you. Some of you are thinking, ‘stop right there, that’s asking too much.’ You know what? You’re right. In fact, to even suggest that you do such a thing is downright radical. But because we are Christians we have to take seriously what we say.
James 3:9-10
Conc.
Is there someone whom you need to stop cursing and start blessing? Remember what Jesus said,
Matthew 12:37
Talk isn’t cheap, in fact when it comes to our relationship our talk can either make them or break them. Start listening to yourself when you talk. Listen to the words you use. Begin managing your mouth.
This is something easy for us to talk about and even to understand why we need to manage our mouth, it is tough to put into practice, but this is what we are called on to do.
Stop the negative talking (cursing others), even if they have hurt you. Begin the positive talking (blessing others), even the one you can’t stand.
Do it God’s way and watch the difference.