The Good Shepherd

[domoore]

I can hardly believe it has been 4 months. So much has happened in such a short time. This 14 was not so difficult to pass over. I knew it was coming... even that morning... very early in Bible Study and my prayer time... I had to note it was another 14. The difference was it did not trip me up. I hardly gave it another thought. Yes, another 14 on the calendar. January 14 might be a bit different. That is BooBoo Lauren's birthday. She will be 5 years old on that date. She was very close to Donald. She won't recognize the 14th except for her Birthday- I will not make a fuss over it. But I know it is already playing at the fringes of my mind.

I am very thankful that things are beginning to settle into a new "normal." I have so longed for that. For me personally, the heavy grieving has subsided. I look to the Christmas season in great anti****tion of celebrating our Lord and Savior's birth. Christ is my hope. I do not approach this season with sorrow or dread or sock or grief! I come to Christmas full of hope and joy and peace and love! God is so good! He works wonders! I had to go to the dentist a couple of weeks ago- and it wasn't until I started for home that I realized that I had had a normal day. YEA! It was normal. It was mundane- nothing exciting or earth shattering... just normal. I am catching more and more glimpses of normal. The fog and shadow of death have lifted and I am seeing the Son clearly once again for the first time in months. My Bible study and prayer time have been a blessed source of comfort and rest to me. I so cherish those quiet moments with the Lord. I long for my prayer time in the "closet." As I read His Word, I soak in the life giving words- absorbing all my eyes feast upon. Recently, the most comforting Word I have received from the Lord has been Isaiah 40:11 which says,
"The Lord tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."
He gently leads those that have young! Praise and Glory to the Shepherd! I need to be gently led! The Lord just spoke that to my heart and I continue to bask in the warmth and comfort of that verse.

As I reflect on that verse, I am reminded of my young lambs. My children are being drawn up in the Shepherd's arms and are being held close to His heart. Oh- how I earnestly pray that for my children! I do all I can as their mother- but they need the comfort of the Good Shepherd! Truman's birthday is Dec. 17 and Lincoln's is Dec. 18. Truman had some friends over for a birthday party last night. He was so excited and I think they all had a good time. This morning Truman started showing out for the benefit of his guests and then later was surly and very moody. He came up to me in the kitchen and through clenched teeth said, "I miss my Pop. I wish he could be here for my Birthday." Oh My! What grief came ripping and tearing through my soul! I began to cry and just grabbed Truman and hugged him. Sometimes a person just needs someone with flesh on them to hug them and hold them. I took Truman out to my room where we could talk and cry and just sit. He was so angry and so hurting. I just grieved for him. I had wondered how this "first" birthday without Pop would hit us. We talked for a bit and I just held my son. Waves of sobbing would overcome him and I could feel his shoulders heaving under the weight of his grief. I sat with him and we prayed. I asked God to heal his broken heart. I asked the Holy Spirit to make intercession for us-- we do not know what to pray for- but the Spirit does. I asked God to be Truman's Father- Truman is saved- but he needs to see and experience God as his Father- and he needs to know that he can trust God. I feel so inadequate for this task ahead of me. I am so glad God will bring us through it all!

In such a short 4 months we have already had so many firsts without Donald. His mother has been here once to visit- we have been there once to visit her. I am starting to potty train Lincoln- YEA! We have gone to the movie theatre. We have had Thanksgiving and Halloween. We have had our first report cards from school and I have gone to my first Christmas party. So much has happened in such a short time. I am so glad for all the Lord is doing. I had expressed in the last blog how lonely I have been. The loneliness has subsided and in its place is blessed rest and contentment in the Lord. I have found a friend in Him- and cast all of my burdens on Him. (Psalm 55:22) Contentment is such a wonderful place to be. I have also found peace in Him- Isaiah 26:3&4- is a wonderful Scripture containing the key to perfect peace! I love God's Word! His Word nourishes my weary mind, body and soul!