Ninety to Nothing (AKA Zero degrees) in 24 hours…

[domoore]

PART ONE:
It is a strange thing to go back to Texas. It is strange to find myself driving down that road once again- heading back to where life took a turn for the better—where life took a turn for the worse. Stranger still is going down to warm weather and returning home to snow!

I love Texas. My heart will always call Texas home. So much happened there. And so, I find myself- returning there in thought. I quietly sit and treasure each memory in my heart. It is good to return there- and remember God’s hand and how He faithfully dealt with me and mine.

Sometimes God calls us to step out in the waters before He parts them. This is not unlike Him. God wants our faith, trust and unquestioning obedience. We are called to walk by faith and not by sight. Sometimes the very things He asks us to do makes no earthly sense.

Take for instance my recent travels back to the Lone Star State. It doesn’t make sense for me to make these trips. I had considered last fall going back for a course in Biblical Counseling. But I found plenty of reasons not to go then. And so, I put this from my mind- dismissing it as foolishness. Then, in January, I received an email from one of the professors teaching the class. I was told that accommodations and a scholarship were in place for me if I still wanted to attend. I knew that this was God’s provision- and I knew I needed to go to class. It made no earthly sense. I could not justify making the trip- nor could I really afford it—and yet—I knew God was requiring this from me. I knew I needed to go. And so, in February, my Mom and I made the trip to Texas. I just had to trust God. While on the road- pre-dawn hours Friday morning- God used two songs to confirm His plan.

We left my Aunt and Uncles home in Kansas City at about 5:30. It was a cold, dark morning. Mom and I were fully awake and ready for our big trip to Texas. I had turned the radio on to a Kansas City rock and roll station- and then turned the volume down low so we could visit. We talked of many things- but soon the subject of the trip came up. I shared with mom how it didn’t make any earthly sense to take this trip—but I knew that I needed to go. I had no idea really for the purpose—but I knew I had to go. She shared how even dad wondered if there wasn’t some similar class at the seminary in Kansas City—or why I didn’t try to find one on-line. I had already explored such options last fall- and then had given up on this idea all together. But when the seminary professor emailed with the offer to attend this class—I knew I needed to go. I knew that this was something I was to do—and I felt a great sense of antic ipation for what God would do in this opportunity. And so- here we were—on I-35 rolling down the road in the pre-dawn dark- at 70 miles per hour- to Texas. About that time, a familiar tune sounded out through the speakers in the van doors. I turned the radio up- and mom and I both were astonished by the song we heard playing on that rock and roll station. It was a country song- by Tim McGraw entitled, “Live Like You Were Dying.” I can not hear this song without thinking of Donald. The song speaks of making the most of the life you have and living life to the fullest. Tears streamed down my face- and we both agreed that God was speaking plainly—Texas is His plan! After listening to the song, I turned the radio back down. Mom and I visited about that song and how Donald remained faithful to God’s calling on his life—even when it didn’t make any earthly sense. We visited like this for about 15-20 minutes. God’s ways are not our ways- His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. And even though it didn’t make sense for a sick and dying man to stay the course- and attend Seminary with such grim prospects—Donald remained faithful. Even though we were hundreds of miles from family and home—God called Donald to attend and finish Seminary – and Donald- upon his death was found faithful. Donald had obeyed. Mom continued by sharing that she believed that upon his death- Donald entered heaven and God rewarded him for his faithfulness. At that precise moment- another familiar song—this time a Christian song by Mercy Me began to play on that Kansas City rock and roll station. Once again- I turned the radio volume up loud-- and we sat quietly- mesmerized by the words of a song: “I Can Only Imagine.” Here we had been talking about Donald going to Heaven- and receiving his reward—and this song would play at that precise moment! It was simply amazing to both of us- that God would orchestrate such songs on an early Friday morning- rush hour- Rock and Roll station out of Kansas City! It was obvious to us both that God’s hand was in this trip- and was part of His greater purpose and plan. To think- I almost missed this opportunity. To think, I almost argued myself out of going- because it didn’t make “sense.” I am so glad that I obeyed!

We traveled on to Texas- enjoying a few leisurely moments along the way. Once there, I attended my nighttime class- and then the Saturday morning class. I had gone with an open heart and mind- knowing that God would speak to me. Though I never expected what I found… As I sat there Saturday morning, one of the professors shared that it is NEVER okay to be angry with God. God is God- and that anger at God for any reason is sinful. Those words penetrated my heart and mind as I sat there. I couldn’t get past them. I took those words and allowed them full reign in my heart and mind- and there- I found—indeed- unconfessed anger toward God. Anger that I had let consume me- until seeds of bitterness had spouted, taken root and hold of my life. This bitterness has so consumed me for so many months—that I had lost hope. I had lost my faith in the Lord—and had lost hope for the future. I held to a form of godliness but denied its power. Oh- how I hate this thing that I have done! I have allowed anger at God to rule my heart and mind- and keep me from Him. I have denied the only One who can heal my heart. I have denied the only One who can bring me peace and comfort. I have denied the only One who can give me hope for the future! During the lunch break—I found myself tearfully repentant and seeking out the face of my Lord and my God. I found myself weeping--- regretful for my hardened heart- and stubborn, prideful anger.

I don’t mind telling you that it is a very lonely thing to be widowed. It is a very difficult road. Every single area of my life has been broken by this loss. Every single breath I take is painful in the knowledge of my loss. Bitter tears still come to me—though it is more in light of my loss- rather than in missing what I have lost. And anger is an easy thing to muster. Anger is a real feeling- and a very strong one at that. But my anger is never holy or just. My anger is sinful. I am truly repentant and sorrowful over my anger toward God. And in those moments that Saturday afternoon- when I brought myself before God for forgiveness—I found sweet relief- and help! It was instantaneous! I just love that about my Lord. He can work miracles- that quickly!

I went to my afternoon class—greatly relieved and joyful! I know I took good notes- and found much help in this first course of Biblical counseling- but more than that—God had set aside this time for bringing me back into His grace and fellowship! How sweet that my Lord would do this for me! What a blessing that first class was! How wonderful to find God faithfully drawing me back into His heart!

The rest of that afternoon, mom and I went to the Fort Worth Stockyards to eat a late lunch and enjoy the activities. We enjoyed going to the Earnest Tubb Record Shop- and looking around the General Store. We walked all over the stockyards and left just after dark. On the way home that night, we were listening to a Bible teacher and heard a message from Joshua. Specifically Joshua 1:2 was read for a background passage. I did not hear or remember much else from the message—but Joshua 1:2 pierced my heart. God spoke very plainly to me in these words, “Moses My servant is dead; now therefore arise, cross this Jordan, you and all this people to the land which I am giving to them, to the sons of Israel.” These words resonated with my soul- except the Holy Spirit said, “Donald My servant is dead—Julia- ARISE and GO!” —and these words continued to resonate within me, “Arise and go.” Mom and I did not say anything Saturday night—but Sunday morning- as we continued home- I mentioned the passage. She too had had the same thoughts as I did- but did not want to say anything—but instead was waiting to see what I had thought of it. I told her that it was plain to me—God is now calling me to “arise and go.” It is time to move forward in His plan for me. It was a very exciting revelation! God plainly spoke to my heart in that verse—that it is time to quit mourning my dear Donald and get up and get moving in His will for me. It is time for me to go where He is showing me! He has something for me to do!

Oh—MY HEART LEAPS FOR JOY! I feel words are failing me! I wish I could more intimately share my heart with each of you—and how God has been renewing and transforming the work He has begun in me! I am simultaneously crying and smiling! How good is our God! How faithful! How He works all things to His own purposes and glory!

I have secretly treasured these things in my heart since February. I have pondered the things God has been doing in these weeks! I am simply amazed by His gentle hand!

When I arrived home Sunday night, I pulled up to the mailbox and collected the letters, newspapers and bills, which had arrived while I had been gone. I sat in the driveway shuffling through my mail and immediately found there a letter from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. I opened the letter and found an invitation to a “Widows’ Might Coffee” scheduled for March. I was intrigued by this invitation- and began to think ahead to my Biblical Counseling class in March. My heart leapt at the notion of staying a little longer to attend this “Widows’ Might Coffee.” I decided to prayerfully consider attending.

Monday morning, I emailed Karen, the contact person at the Seminary. I felt impressed by the Lord that I should plan on attending this event for widows. A short while later, I received a phone call from Karen! It seems that God had been burdening her heart to call me. She shared of how she had prepared 80 invitations for this “Widows’ Might Coffee.” She shared how some of the people who worked in her office came to her with my invitation in hand and said—“You don’t know Julia Moore- she is a young widow! You are inviting older widows! She has five children and won’t be able to come to this event!” She also shared of how she had wondered the very same things that morning—reasoning, “God, Julia won’t be able to come to this event—but maybe next year.” And then, she received my email! Isn’t God good? I laugh with great joy at how He has orchestrated these events in such a way that I could be a part of them! Karen also asked if I would be willing to write an article for their Newsletter. I know God has been preparing me to write for HIM—and so without hesitation- I answered YES! After prayer—the Lord quickened the Joshua 1:2 passage to my heart and mind- and in a few minutes time—I had the 400 word article written and ready to submit! Isn’t God glorious!

I found myself rejoicing at how God works! I have known for sometime that God is calling me to women’s ministry. It has been very difficult for me to trust Him in this—because I feel so inadequate for the task. But now I find myself—once again—stepping out in faith—trusting Him for His provision and His perfect plan. I pray that I will be found faithful.

Within the week, I enrolled—in faith—for the 2008 “She Speaks” conference that is a ministry of Proverbs 31 ministries. I did not know how I would pay for this conference. Once again—it doesn’t make sense to me! Here I am a widow with FIVE kids—not even working full time! I do not have much in the way of financial resources—and I still do not own my own home! What on earth do I think I am doing—signing up for a conference which will cost me over a thousand dollars to attend???

Oh- God is faithful! I take great delight in sharing His wonders with you!--
Continued to PART TWO....

[domoore]

This past week- I went back to Texas to take the second class of the level one- Biblical Counseling course. I went by myself—all the way to Texas- in my old mini van! Doesn’t make sense- and yet—I am compelled to trust God in even this! The class was wonderful—and I am finding that I am learning many things! Sunday, I went to my home church—Cana Church in Burleson, Texas. All morning long—I found people doing “double takes!” They would look once- then twice—then exclaim, “JULIA!” We would hug—and smile- and cry and rejoice! It was like coming home! I feel great love for the good people at Cana! What a home going it was to see so many wonderful friends! These are people who I have not seen in nearly 2 years—and yet—it was like it was just yesterday!

I was able to stay in the home of some good friends- Mr. Dennis and Mrs. Drewcilla at Southwestern Seminary. The “Widow’s Might Coffee” wasn’t scheduled until Thursday. It was such a nice thing to be able to rest the Lord. I spent my mornings in prayer- and Scripture reading and meditation. In the afternoons- I went about Fort Worth visiting old haunts. One afternoon I took in the Half Price Bookstore. Donald and I loved going to that store! Another day, I went to the Stockyards to window shop. Another day, I went to Central Market. This grocery store was where I bought all of our “organic” produce for Donald’s special vegetarian diet. It was strange to revisit that store—and I felt almost uncomfortable there—though I am not sure why. I don’t know if it is related to the hope we had in that diet- and Donald’s cancer—or not. It was just a very strange thing to go back there to that place.

I was hoping to attend the dress rehearsal for Cana’s Easter Pageant which was Tuesday night—but was unable to—as my van’s brake system was not working properly. I am very thankful that Mr. Dennis was willing and able to check my van over—and he even washed it! I bet that is more Missouri mud than Texas has seen in a long, long time!

In the evenings, I enjoyed a leisurely stroll around the campus- though strangely enough—I realized my third day there—I was going around the campus “backwards” compared to what I used to do. I would take off and walk—the concrete familiar and friendly under my feet. I ran into some Korean boys one night- one of which was our old upstairs neighbors when we lived on campus! Another night- I could hear some people rapidly approaching from behind—so I stepped off the sidewalk to let them pass. I was on my phone visiting with a friend—and all of a sudden- these two women over took me! Tamara and Jane!!! Oh the JOY! We hugged and laughed and could not believe our eyes! I got off of the phone and found myself walking around the seminary with these two precious women who had been a part of our seminary and cancer journey!

It seems that where ever I went—I would run into someone who had a hand in our journey—and what a joy and delight it was for me to re-connect with them!

I also made some new friends—including meeting Karen in person! Her story of widowhood is very similar to mine—and I felt a special, kindred spirit with her! I am so glad that God called me to attend this Biblical Counseling course! I am so glad that I have obeyed Him in this calling!

I attended the Widows’ Might Coffee on Thursday morning—and what a blessing and sweet joy it was! I met many wonderful women there—and was moved by each story—and how God is working and moving in each individual’s life! It really is a beautiful picture of His redemptive work! The Widows’ Might (spelled "might" instead of "mite" on purpose!) will be a mighty force of God—and I am so excited that I can be a part of God’s work at Southwestern Seminary!

I left Fort Worth Thursday afternoon. What an adventure! I made it part way home before stopping for the night. When I returned home yesterday- in the mail I found a very large check from the Women’s ministry at Cana Church! It was postmarked last week and would have arrived a week ago Friday—the day I was on the way to Texas! AND there I had been to Church at Cana—and didn’t even have a clue that this money from them was in Missouri! AND as God would have it—His Holy Spirit quickened this thought to me—the money is to pay for my way to the “She Speaks” conference! Don’t you just stand amazed in the goodness of God?? I am brought low by how He orchestrates the details of life! This money will cover the cost of the class—as well as my travel expenses! I take great delight in the Lord! How He loves each of us! He is faithful- and His mercies are new every morning!

I pray that this finds you encouraged and your spirits lifted!
Thank you for praying for me and mine! Thank you for loving and serving our Lord!
My prayer for you comes from Numbers 6:24-26 “The Lord bless you, and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace.”
Blessings,
Domoore

[Angeline W]

Dearest Julia,

Thank you for sharing your joy on how you realised God's plan for you has been unfolding before you.

Happy Easter to you and your children this coming Sunday!

Love,

Angeline